Solitude

 In his book, Psychological Welfare: A Practical Guide, Julio Santana says, "Solitude provides you the opportunity to revive parts of yourself that have been suppressed for years. You will shed what no longer serves you, while simultaneously embracing what does." I think people are afraid of solitude, as it conjures up visions of being alone or lonely. I find, as I get older, I want more solitude. 

Santana also writes, "Solitude offers you the freedom to operate without fear of conflict, judgment, or reprimand. My life has become an emotional complicated mess. I find the person I want/need to spend the most time with is myself. I need that time to have calm, to have some space, to just exist. 

Growing up, we had a cottage on Lake Michigan. Anyone who has known me a long time, knows how much I loved that place. Our cottage was on a heavily wooded plot, with an amazing view, overlooking Lake Michigan. I loved sitting on the patio and just watching the lake, and taking in the peace. I miss that place. I miss having the place to be just me, and watch the world around me. 

As I seek solitude, I am seeking the opportunity to first, unwind. As a special education teacher, you can understand the desire to be apart from students and the daily emotions that come with it. At home, I have a different set of emotional challenges, and I seek space to let me be on my own. 

What do I do when I am in such a space? I sit and watch the world around me. I may have a book. I may have a coffee or a beer, or wine. I may just be alone. I clear my mind, and then I just think. I don't think about pressing issues. I don't think about the threats to our democracy, or other heavy issues. I shut the world out, and just think about the first thing that comes into my head. I think of this as similar to meditation, but I don't really want to call it that. I call it alone time. It's my time, and no one else's. 

Eventually the issues of my world come back to me, but I am better able to deal with them, because I have cleared out space in my mind to allow them back. I like to tell people sometimes that my head is full, and I have to empty it a, bit. Really is that no different than what we do with computers? Don't we empty computers when the memory is getting full, and we need space?

If we don't allow ourselves some solitude, Santana writes, "You are instinctively preoccupied by what you perceive to be the expectations, demands, or norms of any given social environment and you refrain from engaging in behavior that may be essential to who you are. " When I can't have that alone time, I am constantly worried about my life, what is expected of me, or how I "should be." Solitude is allowing yourself to eliminate all that "noise" in your head, so you can be better prepared later to deal with things. 

When you tell friends or loved ones you need space, or time alone, don't be surprised if they take it the wrong way. My experience has been that people think what you are telling them is you want to get away from THEM, when in fact, you just want to get away with yourself to be yourself. It's tricky to explain, and it  isn't always fully understood. 

Do yourself a favor though, carve out some time alone and have that solitude. Embrace it!

Note: Julio Santana is who I refer to as my life coach(though he might not describe himself that way). He has been coaching me through various things I want to do in my last act, and this blog is part of a response to  challenges he laid before me. I am reading his book, which I referenced in this post. He can be found on TikTok, Instagram, and on his website: Psychological Welfare